It's that time of year again...Resolutions...

It's the end of the year and I've started to think about what I want/need to do in the upcoming year.  So here are my new life resolutions...

1. Be the best mommy I can be!
   
2. Be the best wife I can be!
3. Find a job where I can stay home more with my child.
4. Have multiple streams of income.
5. Sell my house and move to Charlotte...I gotta get outta this place!
6. Re-design my website (Jan. 2007)...Shameless plug - Diaspora Hair Care
7. Get more advertisers.
8. Re-start publishing the e-newsletter monthly for the site.
9. Finish my book. (July 2007)
10. Self-publish book. (Dec. 2007)
11. Sell book through Amazon.com, Karibu Bookstores, and other Black Bookstores.
12. Have an author profile on the African American Literature Book Club website.
13. Transition to total self-employment.

 

Blue Jean Nation...or the Decline of Dressing Up

My mom and I were talking about this on the phone...it came up because my father's company is having a formal Christmas Party this Friday and my mom's job is having a "Holiday Party" next week at the base's golf course. My mom's party is basically work gear because it's from 1-3 (dumb hours). She was talking about how no one dresses up for anything anymore so she was happy that my dad's company was having a fancy party.  I feel the same way. I wanted to wear a dress for Thanksgiving with my in-laws (not even a fancy dress, a casual one) and the DH said that I'd be over dressed. What happened to getting dressed up for the holidays?

It seems that we are now a "Blue Jean Nation" especially with the advent of the "designer denim" phenomenon.  Now, yes if you pay $100 plus on some jeans I know you will want to think of them as your "nice clothes", but this does not mean that you should wear them for any and every occasion.  I, too like to jazz up my Seven for All Mankind's with a hot and slinky top for going out at times, but, now since I'm closer to 30 than I am to 20; I feel like I want to be "dressed" more than I used to.  I want to break out a dress and get my grown woman on, but seems like all around me people are so casual. So, I'm thinking will I bust out a party dress and then feel out of place when everyone is rocking denim?

I was talking to my DH (dear hubby) about the 30th Birthday Bash, I plan on having for him.  When I told him that I wanted to ban jeans, he was appalled...appalled I say! LOL!  He said that I was going to make it stuffy.  When did wearing pants become equated with stuffiness?  He said he would want to be comfortable and he'd want everyone else to be comfortable as well.  Did they start making slacks out of iron and chainmetal and I missed it?  I mean what's uncomfortable about wearing slacks?  Am I crazy?  The "myth of uncomfortability" is the biggest barrier to good fashion that there is.  If you watch any episode of What Not To Wear (you must watch this show) you'll see that the makeover candidates are always decrying that they want to be comfortable...comfort does not equal un-stylishness, which they soon learn through our fashionistas Stacy and Clinton!  It's like the ultimate AHA Moment when they find that they can look good and still be comfortable.

In the DH's defense, wouldn't want you to think I'd married a complete fashion miscreant, he was talking about jeans with shoes and a button down shirt...which brings me back to the whole Blue Jean Nation thing.  It seems as if the jeans/button down combo has become the "going out" uniform of men in the 20-35 age range.  I am not amused with this turn of events.  I think maybe that should be the baby step to grown and sexy for men and be the casual wear of men in their mid-twenties on.Well I don't care what anyone else says I am going to be grown and sexy in the year 2007 and beyond!  

TAKE THAT!

VOTE OR DIE

Come on y'all get off your butts and vote tomorrow. You can't complain if you don't participate. Today I read that only 45% of the US actually votes, that's ri-DAYUM-diculous. Let's get out the black vote and show our decision making power. They cater to us for cars, clothes, and shoes; let them cater to our political needs!

Upgrade U...

Litening to Beyonce’s newest single Upgrade U, I started to think about my relationship with my husband as well as all relationships in general. I think all good relationships have partners who can/do upgrade their partner. We might not be able to all do it on the level of Bey and Jay, but we should all bring out the best in our partners. I know some of you are saying, “I already am the best me, I can be”. Cool, if you are, however I don’t know anyone that can’t learn something new from someone else or who doesn’t have areas that they’re lacking in, that a good partner can help support you on.

I think to be the best in a relationship you have to know what you’re good at, what he’s good at, and what both of y’all suck at. In the areas where you shine, let your partner lean on or follow you and where your partner is a star, allow yourself to lean or be led by him. For the things you all both suck at, hire a professional if your budget allows. Too many people want to do everything on their own and not lean on their partner, but what’s a partner for if you can’t lean on them? Egos can very easily get in the way of progress. If you know that he’s not good at X, but you are then dammit do X, at least you know it’ll be done right. And if you don’t know diddley about Y don’t fake it so you can seem like you know it all, let that man do Y...isn’t that why you’re with him?

Swallow some of your pride and let the love of your life UPGRADE YOU!

As Bey would say:

Its very seldom that you're blessed to find your equal
still play my part and let u take the lead role
believe me
i'll follow this could be easy
i'll be the help whenever you need me
i see u hustle wit my hustle
i can keep u focused on yo focus i can feed u

Hello Black Man...

I speak to black men on the street. I know a lot of black women that do not, for whatever reasons, but I see no harm in it. I'm not talking about full blown conversations, I'm talking about saying Hi or Have a Nice Day. Too many women think that just because a guy is speaking to you that he's trying to get in your pants or date you when often times that's not the case. Some guys just want to say hi to an attractive lady because it makes their day just a little more
pleasant. If I see a guy looking at me from down the street and I walk by him and he speaks, I'll say hello. Now the tone of my hello is nice and friendly, yet still reserved, so it's rare that the guy will follow it up with asking me for my phone number or asking me out. When it does happen I politely decline and tell them that I'm married and it ends right there. I think so many women are expecting disrespect that they get it and/or they are "equipped for receiving
it". What I mean by that, is unfortunately what you're wearing may up your chances of getting disrespected or your tone of voice or attitude may set you up for it. Unfortunately, it is usually young men that will disrespect with no cause, black men in their teens to early twenties are usually trying to "save face" and may get out of line at times, but even that's been a rarity with me lately.

I know too many good black men, to think I'm too good to speak to one (my dad, my husband, my father-in-law, and my husband's friends to name a few). So, the next time you see your fellow black man, say hi. You just might make his day.

Smooches,

Total Forgiveness

A couple of weeks ago at church our pastor gave a sermon on Total Forgiveness. Actually, we're reading about Joseph in the bible and his story is all about forgiveness. Well, forgiveness is something that I thought I didn't have a big problem with, but in examining my life I've found that I'm quick to forgive in partial, but not in total.

There were five signs our pastor talked about that shows TOTAL FORGIVENESS, I can only remember three, maybe because this is as far as I can get in my forgiveness of people or maybe because my memory has went to the dogs (LOL).

Number 1: You don't publish what the person has done to you. When you've totally forgiven someone you don't "put them on blast" because you don't want other people to know what the person has done to you because and in turn treat that person badly for something that you've already forgiven them for. (Gen. 45:1)

This is especially helpful in relationships & marriages, because not only will others not forgive the person as easily as you had, they also will probably think you're a fool for forgiving the person in the first place!

Number 2: You want the person you've forgiven to feel comfortable around you, Joseph said to his brothers, "Come close to me.". (Gen. 45:3-4)

Sometimes we forgive, but we still want the person we forgive to feel uneasy around us because of what they've done, you might not be punishing them directly, but you sure don't mind them punishing themselves. This is the sleep with one eye open type of forgiveness, oh sure I forgive you, but you better watch out! True forgiveness doesn't do this.

Number 3: You see God's plan for why that person hurt you, in seeing God's plan in your life, it's easier to give total forgiveness. Joseph said to his brothers that had sold him into slavery many years earlier, "And now, do not be distressed and do not be angry with yourselves for selling me here, because it was to save lives that God sent me ahead of you." (Gen. 45:5-7)

Like the gospel song says, there's a blessing in the storm and if you can see that blessing, it's much easier to totally forgive someone than if you're still crying, "Why Me? Why Me?"

Lastly, I am not saying this to give people carte blanche to mess on you and then you totally forgive them...oh no!!! In order for you to be willing to give total forgiveness there are some pre-qualifiers: (1)you have to see an observable change in the person, (2)you have to "test" the person (and not only do they have to pass, but they shouldn't be mad you're testing them because they know they'll pass), and (3)the person has to admit what they've done wrong to you.

So are you on your way to TOTAL FORGIVENESS?

Blessings,

Clubbing Age Limit...

I blacked out the eyes to protect the clubbers, however they probably don't care since they're all on a club pic site anyway

How old is too old to be up in the club?  Personally, at 26 (almost 27) I am definitely not a fan of the club scene.  Maybe it's because I'm not single and definitely not looking for anyone, but in my opinion whether you're single or not once you hit your late twenties clubbing should not be your default weekend plans.  At that age you should know about a million other things that you could be doing on the weekend instead, that are just as fun to you as clubbing (was).  I mean no one wants to be the old man or woman at the club dancing to "London Bridges".  

So, this brings up the question, why do people go to the club anyway?  I've heard these answers the most: to dance, to hang out with my boys/girls, to meet people...  Now I love to dance as much as anyone, but the fun of dancing at the club has totally lost it's appeal because dancing for me (and most females) usually ends up in a furtive attempt to get some guy to dislodge his groin from your backside. Now the second "reason", to hang out with friends, if you're past twenty-five and the only place you can think of to have fun and hang out with your friends is the club, you either need some new friends or you need to broaden your horizons, the same goes for meeting people in the club. The people you meet in the club, may be nice people, hey you're nice people and you're there, right? However, if both of y'all are always up in the club seeing each other what's the liklihood that you all will take each other seriously? Honestly, most men don't want their chick or potential chick up in the club every weekend and vice versa for females. I mean clubbing constantly says to people, "I'm not a serious person, don't take me seriously", whether you think so or not.

I know this is a controversial topic because there are some die hard clubbers out there, but at a certain age you need to start living your real life; which means actually getting to know people including yourself and I don't know how anyone can do that in a loud ass club sipping on Smirnoff.

Later,